Around 90% of custody cases are resolved without a judge’s ruling. The ability to work together to make parenting decisions reduces stress on families. However, creating a co-parenting agreement is far from stress-free.
As a parent, you know your child(ren)’s well-being and emotional stability are a priority during this transition. It’s essential to put aside personal differences and focus on creating a nurturing environment for them.
We’ve created this guide to provide co-parenting tips to help you work with your ex and prioritize your children’s needs. Keep reading to learn how to develop effective parenting plans.
Establishing Effective Communication
Establishing ground rules for communication can help prevent misunderstandings or conflicts. Agreeing on how often to communicate, what topics to discuss regularly, and how to handle disagreements respectfully lays a solid foundation.
Regular check-ins can also provide opportunities for both parents to stay updated on their children’s well-being and address any issues. This could include:
- Face-to-face discussions
- Phone calls
- Emails
- Text messages
- Parenting apps
Regardless of the method of communication you and your co-parent feel most comfortable using, it is important to follow-up all communications where a decision or agreement is made with a summary or memorialization in writing so neither party later recalls the discussion or agreement differently.
Creating a Comprehensive Co-Parenting Agreement
Start by outlining schedules for visitation, holidays and special occasions to create clear expectations for parents and children. Collaborate with your co-parent to establish guidelines on discipline, rules, and values that you both agree on to provide a unified front for the child(ren).
Include details about how decisions will be made regarding:
- Education
- Healthcare
- Extracurricular activities
- Religion
- Other significant aspects of your child(ren)’s lives
This clarity can help prevent misunderstandings or conflicts down the road. Take note, that the more unusual or logistic-intensive a child-related issue is, the more cooperation and cohesion the parents will need. For example, if one parent wants to home-school the child(ren), both parents must be on board with that plan. Both parents should be acutely aware of all the details, each parent’s expectations and obligations.
Be sure to address financial responsibilities in the plan as well. If applicable, outline how expenses will be divided to avoid confusion or disputes later, including child support payments.
Managing Co-Parent Emotions and Maintaining Respect
Co-parenting can stir up a lot of hurt and anger. Knowing how to process these emotions without putting your child(ren) in the middle creates a healthier environment.
When tensions rise, take a step back before reacting impulsively. Practice self-care techniques to help calm your mind. Maintaining respect towards your co-parent sets a positive example for your child(ren) and fosters a healthier co-parenting dynamic.
Be open and honest about your feelings, but do so constructively without assigning blame. Active listening is equally important – strive to understand your co-parent’s perspective, even if you disagree.
There are also numerous resources available for parents to address disputes and to learn how to co-parent better, including co-parenting therapy or coaching, co-parenting classes, or use of a parenting coordinator. Your attorney should be able to discuss all these options with you to determine what would be most productive for your family and be able to provide you with referrals for whatever option(s) you choose.
Being Consistent and Flexible
Successful co-parenting requires a delicate balance of being consistent yet flexible. Consistency provides stability for your child(ren), making them feel secure and knowing what to expect from both parents.
Setting clear expectations and boundaries with your co-parent can help maintain consistency in rules, routines, and discipline across both households. This unified front can alleviate confusion for your child(ren) and create a sense of normalcy despite the split living arrangements. Being open to flexibility is equally important when unexpected situations arise or when adjustments are needed. Flexibility allows you to adapt schedules, compromise and prioritize what’s best for your child(ren)’s well-being.
Putting Your Child’s Needs First Starts with Making a Plan
Putting aside personal differences and focusing on the best interests of your child(ren) is key to building a successful co-parenting agreement. No one needs to walk this path alone.
Doerner is a full-service law firm with deep roots in the community, dating back to 1896. We can help you create co-parenting agreements that prioritize your child(ren)’s best interests. Connect with us to discuss your needs.
